


Welcome to Jackass

by SunnyBlue



Series: Ouija Boy Casefiles [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Batboys, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce wayne loves his kids, Crack, Family, Family Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Ghosts, Humor, Tim Sees Dead People, batkids, but also they all share one braincell, keeping up with the batfamily, the batkids are geniuses, wholesome content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunnyBlue/pseuds/SunnyBlue
Summary: Yeah, yeah, Tim's a Ouija Boy, and all the Bats know this, but it still takes forever to explain to anyone new. To fix that, Tim's brothers help devise a plan to make telling his secret a little more fun. Hint: it's Jackass. They just make their own Jackass.. . .As new Bats are added to the roster, this story covers how the existing Bats decide to introduce Tim's ghost-seeing abilities to a very confused cast of vigilantes.
Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Duke Thomas, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Series: Ouija Boy Casefiles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822630
Comments: 22
Kudos: 473





	Welcome to Jackass

**Author's Note:**

> This is so dumb and so fun to write. That's the theme of this series, I've decided. 
> 
> The first chapter of this story takes place about three months after the end of The Ouija Boy, after Tim has told all of the Bats about his abilities. The following chapters take place over a few years as the Batfamily expands into something more resembling Batman, Inc.
> 
> Let me know what you think!!
> 
> 💛, Blue

Tim is minding his own business, scrolling through his Instagram feed and bothering exactly nobody, when he hears the click of a lock and the door to his apartment opens. He doesn’t look up from his phone; aside from himself, there are only four people that have a key to his apartment, and his security hadn’t alerted him to any unknown intruders, which means they’re either known or the system is broken. Tim’s willing to take that chance, because he’s a little too busy liking Zendaya’s most recent post to care about anything that’s about to come through that door.

“I come bearing gifts,” Jason says as he walks through the door and kicks it closed behind him, and Tim hears his impossibly light footsteps move towards the kitchen before there’s a soft rustling of paper being shifted around. 

Tim hums an acknowledgement and furrows his brow, still not looking up. “I think Zendaya is cooler than all of us combined will ever be.”

The paper keeps rustling and there are the occasional heavy  _ thunks  _ of things being placed on the countertop. He can hear the nod in Jason’s voice. “Oh, no question. Did you see  _ Euphoria  _ yet?”

Tim huffs, offended by the notion that he might not have. “Of course? Steph and I watched it together and tried to copy all the makeup. That show is genuine queer art.”

“Valid,” Jason hums. “Did the makeup work?”

“It turned into a glitter war.”

“So yes.”

“So yes,” Tim agrees, and then finally lifts his head to grin at his brother. “Did you bring food?”

The older boy — man? Tim will always have a hard time thinking of any of them as adults — grumbles and continues removing various ingredients from a paper grocery bag.  _ “Thank you, Jason, it’s so nice of you to visit, Jason, you’re the coolest brother ever, Jason.” _

Tim rolls his eyes and goes along with it, because that’s what’ll get him food fastest. “Yeah, yeah, you’re a G and all that shit. Did you bring food or not?”

“I brought _ingredients_ so that I can _cook_ food,” Jason says, scowling playfully. “You can’t keep getting takeout every night, Timbo. Even B can’t afford that.”

Tim grins. “Yeah, I’m gonna buy him out of house and home for sure. What are you making?”

“Kung pao chicken.”

“Tt. That should be satisfactory.”

Tim groans loudly and turns toward the window, revealing the source of the new voice. Damian had managed to slide the pane open and perch on the sill without making any noise, which is annoying as all hell because it means that Tim didn’t notice he’d gotten in and Damian had totally one-upped him. “You don’t even eat meat,” Tim huffs.

“I brought tofu, too,” Jason says, and Damian just turns his pleased smirk to Tim, who can’t help groaning again.

“Why? Damian’s not even supposed to be in Gotham right now; you couldn’t have known _he’d_ show up here when _you_ decided to show up here.” Tim’s eyes narrow as he considers Jason. “Wait. Why _did_ you decide to show up here? I thought you were gonna be busy with the Outlaws all weekend.”

“Yeah, well. We got done early,” Jason says, grinning wolfishly and pouring rice into a big pot on the stove. “The arms dealer’s hired guns stopped being quite so loyal when they met Artemis.”

“Understandable,” Tim mumbles, and gestures for Damian to come inside. The boy complies, closing the window behind him just as soundlessly as he had opened it. “And on Dami’s end: what happened to Kansas?”

Damian pulls out one of the stools at the little breakfast bar and shrugs as he clambers up onto it. “Supermom’s sister went into labor with her second child a month premature, so the Kents all had to go to the hospital rather suddenly. It made little sense for me to go with them.”

“No shit,” Jason says, but Tim knows he’s grinning while his back is turned and Damian can’t see it.

Tim huffs a quiet laugh and tweaks his head to the side in acquiescence. “Alright, well, I was gonna watch  _ The Conjuring  _ and laugh about all the bullshit in it, so as long as you guys are here,” he pauses to gesture dramatically at the TV, “would you care to join me?”

“What is the premise of this  _ Conjuring?”  _ Damian asks, folding his arms and leaning back on the counter.

“A family moves into a new house and they think the ghost in the house is trying to kill them all so they unironically hire, like, ghost-hunter people to save them.” Tim thinks the film over and winces. “Oh, but… well…” 

Damian frowns. “What?”

Tim bites his lip. “The family’s dog dies. Would you rather watch something else?”

Damian stiffens for an instant, but relaxes quickly and looks away. “That might be… preferable.”

Tim nods and goes back through his iTunes library. “How about  _ Poltergeist?  _ It’s the exact same premise but no dead dog.”

There’s a snort from behind him and Tim grins, looking back in time to see Damian school his features back into something more indifferent. “Acceptable.”

“What is?”

This time, Tim doesn’t jump, but he definitely cuts his eyes at the owner of this newest voice in annoyance. “Did you come in through the bathroom window?” He grumbles disapprovingly.

Dick, who has materialized in the doorway to Tim’s bedroom, looks at him as if he’s thinking through the logistics of that. “Oh, no. I came from the roof and then down the fire escape through the window in the hallway. Your idea kind of makes more sense, though…” 

Tim rubs at his eyes. “And what happened to visiting Barbara in Blüdhaven?”

Dick ruffles Tim’s hair as he walks casually past him, flopping down on the couch with a grin. “The Birds took her out on a surprise Girl’s Night, since they won’t all be in town for her birthday next week. I wasn’t really invited.”

“No shit,” Jason says again. “Hope you like kung pao, cuz that’s what we’re having.”

“We are also watching a movie about a murderous house and people who are going to hire ghost-hunters without irony. And there is no dead dog.”

Dick’s brow furrows as he looks at Damian, but it lifts a second later.  _ “Poltergeist?”  _

Tim huffs. “You speak Damian like it’s your first language.”

“May as well be,” Dick says, grinning, and then he seems to remember something and his eyes widen with interest. “Oh, Tim, speaking of the Birds: were you able to tell Barbara about your Ouija Boy powers?”

Tim rolls his eyes. “You guys need to stop calling it that,” he says half-heartedly, and ignores Jason’s cheerful shout of  _ nope!  _ “But yeah, I told Babs this morning. She took it pretty well, I think.”

“Did she make you prove it?” Jason asks, his voice partially muffled because his head is currently fully inside a cupboard. 

Tim nods. He’d been really nervous to tell her, just like he always was with telling anybody, but he’d had the benefit of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel; Barbara was be the last member of the family that he’d still yet to tell about his ghost-seeing ability, so now that he has, he’s in the clear. He doesn’t have to deal with telling anyone else, managing their reactions, anything, because everyone knows. It feels like such a weight off his chest, honestly. “She had me go to a cemetery and tell her details about a few ghosts we met while she looked up who they were when they were alive. Apparently the information they gave me matched whatever research she did, so I think she believes me.”

“She totally does,” Dick assures him, smiling proudly. “She trusts her intel to be right more than anything in the world.”

“And that’s the last of us, right?” Jason says, glancing up from his cutting board* (which he still makes fun of Tim about, because this is the first one he’s ever had and Jason had to order it for him). “She was the last Bat you had to tell?”

Tim grins, feeling relaxation seep into his bones as it sinks in that he  _ really  _ doesn’t have to do it again, really doesn’t have to be that terrified or sick to his stomach or filled with nervous energy. “Yeah. All the Bats are up-to-date from here on out.”

Tim leans back and presses play on the movie, listening to the sound of Jason’s knife on the cutting board and the quiet music behind the film’s opening production logos. All is well, and everything can truly settle back to calmness.

“Unless Father adds more Bats in the future.”

Tim freezes, eyes wide, and looks over at Damian. This doesn’t feel like settling back into calmness. “Wh… what?” The others are staring at the boy too, the same surprise covering each of their faces. 

Damian scowls at them, confused in his own right. “You said that all the Bats are up-to-date from here on out, but that is assuming that there are never any new Bats. If Father gains more close allies, those Bats will not be so up-to-date.” 

Tim blinks and pauses the TV. Oh. Oh, shit, he’s totally right. And Bruce is absolutely liable to add more Bats; he’s done it seven separate times already, not counting Alfred, who was arguably the original and therefore didn’t need to be added. But between Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Cass, Steph, and Barbara, that makes seven additions to the Bats over the years, and Bruce is still continuing to warm up to the idea of having real, solid allies and backup. If he keeps growing more comfortable with that notion at the rate he’s been moving this whole time… 

Shit. There could totally be more Bats.

But… okay, but these current Bats, Tim’s family, are the ones he was really worried about telling, right? Because he already knew them, loved them, cared what they thought — he had essentially already led them to believe that he had no powers, so when he told them all about the ghosts, it was more like admitting to a big lie than just breaking some news. But if there were new Bats, Tim wouldn’t have that same history of lying, wouldn’t have that same worry that they would kick him out. So maybe… maybe with new allies, it wouldn’t be a big deal. 

Maybe he could  _ make it  _ not a big deal.

Tim clicks his tongue and carefully coaxes his muscles to relax, allowing the tension to drain from his body. “Y’know what?” He says, and he can feel the others looking at him, so he turns his head and meets each of their eyes, watching as their varying levels of thoughtfulness and concern turn to surprise at the light glint in his eye. “If we ever get more Bats, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. But personally, I vote we just don’t tell them and act like it’s totally no big deal when I start talking to thin air. And then we get their reactions and laugh about it and they’ll be all confused and everything.”

The others blink at him for a long moment. “...Like _ Jackass?” _ Jason finally says, eyebrows raised in disbelief. There’s a very telling hint of hope in his voice.

Damian scowls. “I hardly think  _ you _ can be the one to call someone a ‘jack-ass’ when they make jokes at the expense of other people, Jason.”

“No, it was a TV show where this group of guys just fucked with each other and did stupid stunts,” Dick says, his eyes lighting up. “You mean you wanna do all the stunts? Like the ski-jump into a tree thing? Or— or the human bowling pins or the treadmill conveyor belt?” He looks absolutely elated, and Tim can only give him a half-grin-half-grimace.

“I don’t see how the stunts would help us tell people that I can see ghosts,” he says, carefully avoiding making the grin fall from his brother’s face. “But we can definitely do the _fucking with people_ part. Like, uh… like a _mild-mannered_ _Jackass.”_

Dick immediately resorts to pouting. “Man… I wanted to do the stunts.”

“I mean,” Jason starts slowly, grinning wide, and Tim wants to groan before the words are even out of his mouth. “We could still do them. Just, like, on the side.” His eyes flicker to Tim, whose unimpressed look is totally ignored in favor of Dick’s beaming smile coming back full-force. 

“Oh my god,” Tim sighs heavily, but when he looks up, there’s a lopsided smile on his face. “Fine. How about every time someone finds out, we get to do one of the stunts. And maybe the person participates, if we can get them to.”

“Yes!” Dick shouts, grinning like a moron. He looks Tim in the eye and nods appreciatively. “It’ll be like a celebration. I’ll take it.”

“A celebration for finding out that Timothy sees ghosts?” Damian says, incredulity seeping through his voice. “But when we found out, we didn’t get to celebrate!”

“We ate sticky buns, solved a serial murder case, and watched the entirety of  _ The Twilight Zone  _ in one weekend,” Tim replies with a grin. “That’s a Batkids-style celebration if I’ve ever seen one. And the only more Batkids-style celebration I can think of, unfortunately, is all of us deciding to launch ourselves off a ramp into a pool with a skateboard and a bungee cord.”

Damian’s eyes widen.  _ “That’s  _ what the show is?” He pauses for a long moment, then looks up at Tim, his eyes glinting with something foreign on the kid’s small face — something like mischief. “I see. This is… acceptable.”

Dick jumps up and sweeps the smaller boy into a hug, ignoring his indignant squawk as he lifts his feet off the floor. “Woohoo! Stunts!” He yells, and spins them both in a circle until he hits the back of the couch and tumbles over it, dropping them down onto the cushions in a heap. Damian yelps and claws at him, of course, and Dick ignores him, of course, and Jason eggs them both on as he continues cutting vegetables, of course.

Tim just sighs, grins, and presses play on  _ Poltergeist,  _ because this is about as normal as it gets. Of course.

Somewhere in his stomach, a small well of excitement buzzes; whoever next finds out his secret is one poor bastard.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*See the first installment of the  _ Ouija  _

_Boy_ _Casefiles_ series, _The Ouija Boy,_ for 

the cutting board’s full origin story.


End file.
